“pray as if everything depends on god. work as if everything depends on you.”

- augustine of hippo

visit take-aways, throwback style...

written in my journal 4/13/12, after a bham visit.  a much needed reminder of late...

i gotta trust in him above all, regardless of the circumstances.  whether at perimeter, northstar, overseas, the jboro, or even athens.  although being here might make me trust in him more, i need to trust in him always.  tornadoes or sunny weather.  rich, white suburbs, or inner-city.  dream job or worst job ever.  no community or community.  married or not.  i gotta run to him first and above all.  and need him.  easy, comfortable work, or hard work.  unsure or sure of calling.  knowing what's next or not.  i feel that i don't quite fit anywhere.  except with you.  thanks for time away where i can get little nuggets.  you know he's already got it planned out for ya.  you don't have to worry about it.  no really...

tgc prayer.

A Prayer for Trusting Jesus in Our Seasons of Transition

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.  Ps. 143:8 

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Ps. 23:1-3

Dear Lord Jesus, indeed, in the morning, at midday, in the afternoon, and throughout the night, keep on bringing us word of your unfailing love. That’s all we need; that’s all we really need—the assurance of your unwavering, contra-conditional, boundless love.

By the Holy Spirit, incessantly gossip the gospel in our inmost ear. Wrap the good news of your irrepressible, endless affections around our hearts, tighter and tighter and tighter. Permeate every bit of our being with your fresh mercies, steadfast love, and transforming grace, for we have put our trust in you.

Lord Jesus, it’s the assurance of your unfailing love which enables us to trust you with the transitions we go through in life, and the uncertainties about the future. Change is never easy. Change makes us feel vulnerable, fearful, and insecure. We get tempted, once again, to be our own savior. Spare us that misery, Jesus; spare us and those we love. May your Word dwell in us richly and your peace rule in us powerfully; and may your glory be our main passion and greatest delight.

We’ve entrusted our lives to you, Jesus, because you alone are trustworthy; you alone are the Good Shepherd. We’ve given you our sins, wounds, brokenness, and weakness. Now, in fresh surrender, we give you our planning for the next season of our lives. Show us the way we should go through our transitions—transitions of age and stage, career and calling, health and finances, relationships and ministries. Write stories of redemption beyond our wildest dreams and hopes. It’s all about you, Lord Jesus—not us.

We’re not so arrogant as to expect all the details. Just take us by the hand and lead the way. Shepherd us, Jesus. Open doors we cannot shut and shut doors we cannot open. All we need to know is that you love us and that you’re with us. You’ve promised us both, and you do not lie. So very Amen we pray, in your peerless and priceless name.

- Scotty Smith
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/scottysmith/2013/06/09/a-prayer-for-trusting-jesus-in-our-seasons-of-transition/

for all of you new college grads out there...

so, as many of y'all know, i often have difficulty making decisions.  sometimes i even hate them.  if you asked, i would tell you this is because i don't enjoy that decisions come with consequences (good or bad), i don't want to be the one responsible for those consequences, and i am a people pleaser (thus i don't want folks to get mad at me if it was a poor decision).  true indeed.  yet, i think i am a learning more about these things as of late.  talking about my hate of decision-making at community group a few weeks back.  i shared my bit to share, then sat back, answered questions, and listened.  i got a myriad of things, from responses to how my friends struggle with the same issues, even at 3-15 years my senior, to thought-provoking questions, to jokes.  i remember one question: "are you always wondering what is next; when you will have to make a decision next?  is that where the stress comes from?"  i thought about it when he asked, and didn't think that was the case.  but, as i reflect more on this topic, i think the answer is yes.  for example, driving back to birmingham the other weekend, i was jamming to some john mayer.  i saw on my dash that it was on track 6.  and, i had a minor freak out (key word minor) as i knew in six more songs i would decide what cd is next - do i want to listen to this one over?  put in a new one?  which new cd?  (old school, i know.)  and, in a small way, i realized that this is true for me.  even chatting with sarah king recently.  she asked, "so, is it the fear of the unknown?"  and, as i thought through later, i think there is a good bit of truth right there as well.  on a small scale again, i sometimes hate going to a new restaurant and ordering my meal.  first off, there are usually way too many options.  but, secondly, what if i don't like what i order?  what if i love it?  will i wish i would have gotten something different?  will it be worth the money i paid for the meal?  the unknown, if you will.

so, back to the amazing words of wisdom for the young college grads (cough, cough).  check out these articles, if you are like me.  hopefully they will shed some light on things, specifically our culture, biology, and what other people way smarter than me say.

the god of open options  among other things, how delaying/not making a decision can be disobedience.
more choices, less commitment.  an article about online dating.  premises still true for many other aspects of our lives.
how to love valentine's day even if you're single.  to quote another sara(h):  "i don't think it's just relevant for single people.  we all wait for something.  i hope you name animals with dignity, excellence, patience and humility."
barry schwartz - ted talk.  from the perspective of science, not the gospel.
and, lastly, i leave you with arguably my favorite of late...10 things your commencement speaker won't tell you.  just read it.  well worth the time...

and, if you are like me, you will struggle with decisions.  and, there can be a ton to be made right after college.  if you are like me, you may dread making those decisions.  but, do a little better than me, and really trust in god's sovereignty over, in, through, before, during, and after our decisions.  that's what i'm working on as of late.  haven't figured out everything 100%, and i think it will continue to be a struggle for me.  to trust in his love and goodness towards me, and not hate and judgement if i make the "wrong" decision.  to trust in him, even though i cannot fully comprehend the balance between his being in total control and my freedom and ability to choose.  consequences and all.  for my good and his glory.  but, for now, i'm wanting to put to death my petty little fears over whether i made the right decisions and trust in the lord's sovereignty and goodness for me.  amen and amen..

U11 Skills.

Their Monday night skills coach (she works them HARD) said a player told her, “Coach, what you teach us on Mondays, we use on Wednesdays and in the games. And, we are getting better.”

the role of christian in a postmodern culture

http://www.qideas.org/video/kuyper-revisted.aspx

“There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, "Mine!”
- Abraham Kuyper

i am a stupid sheep.

henri nouwen writes:

Many voices around and within us warn us of the danger of dependence. We fear being dependent on others because of the idea that dependence is a threat to our security. 

 he continues in "a spirituality of fundraising:"

The pressure in our culture to secure our own future and to control our lives as much as possible does not find support in the Bible.  Jesus knows our need for security. He is concerned that because security is such a deep human need, we do not place our trust in things or people that cannot offer us real security. “Do not store up treasures for yourselves on earth, where moth and woodworm destroy them and thieves can break in and steal. But store up treasures for yourselves in heaven, where neither moth nor woodworm destroys them and thieves cannot break in and steal. For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be too” (Matt. 6:19-21, NJB). We cannot find security if our heart is divided. So Jesus says something very radical: “No servant can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or be attached to the first and despise the second. You cannot be the slave both of God and of money” (Luke 16:13, NJB).  What is our security base?  God or Mammon? That is what Jesus would ask. He says that we cannot put our security in God and also in money. We have to make a choice. Jesus counsels: “Put your security in God.” We have to make a choice where we want to belong, to the world or to God. Our trust, our basic trust, Jesus teaches, has to be in God. 

i think these words sum up my life the past few weeks...i so want to be independent.  i so want not to have to rely on others, let alone god...if i am being honest.  i want to do things on my own power.  and, in effect rely on myself and no one or no thing else.  i want to secure my own security, if you will.  i don't want to place this security of mine into other people's hands who might fail me.  whether it be finances or moving or coaching kids.  i want to be in control.

but, god says differently.

he created us for community.  look at the birds and grass and animals.  they need each other.  and, so do we humans.  even though i fight so hard against it, i need others.  i need him.  some days i just don't want to rely and depend though.  it seems way easier to try things on my own.  and fail.  and fail again.  and fail some more.  i am a stubborn creature.  and forgetful.  an israelite   a sheep.  stupid sheep.

the road of dependence, though, is way better.  i say that as i have been placed in positions of literal dependence recently.  living with host families and fundraising to name two.  both putting me in a place of depending on others and lacking the independent and self-sufficient nature of the 24 year-old i sometimes think i want to be.  how i have thought my life would be better if i lived in my own place, or was earning a more "traditional" salary.  but, those are lies.  and, definitely not what jesus is talking about here.  these thoughts pierced my heart: "where is my security?  is it in him or in providing for myself?  do i love god or money?  jesus knows about my need for security.  put my trust in him.  he won't let me down."

alrighty.  on to quit being so stupid of a sheep...

a-dopt

to take by choice into a relationship, especially to take voluntarily as one's own child;  to accept formally and put into effect;  to sponsor the care and maintenance of

enter victor running around his house, tossing a football in the air.  after he breaks an expensive vase, this is the exchange between he and his adopted mom:

"i'm sorry.  i'll...i'll...i'll pay for it."
"are you okay?"
"yeah...how much is it?"
"i told you to be careful...it's expensive."
"i'm sorry."
"you don't have to pay for it.  how about this.  let's just go back to the 'no football in the house rule', alright?"
"yeah...so, you're not gonna change your mind about adopting me?  like not have the ceremony?"
"no.  i'm never gonna change my mind."
"okay...oookay.  "
"i want you to stick around."
"okay."

a picture of my heart right now.  thanks nbc.  thanks parenthood.  ha.  seriously though.  i feel like victor all too often.  i do something wrong, or i mess up, and i automatically think god doesn't love me anymore.  or, god is mad with me.  or, what will be my punishment.  yet, he continually says to me over and over again that he loves me.  and, nothing i can do will ever change that.  regardless of my sin and mistakes and wrong actions, he still will have me in his family.  he has adopted me and nothing can change that.  how indeed i do struggle with believing that.  so often.  to walk by and in grace, not in performance...

yet...for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of god—not by works, so that no one can boast.  ephesians 2:8-9.



"i want that [woman] in my family.  i will do anything to get [her] in my family."

west end and the white moderate. sgraceking style.

meet my bro.  he's a talker.  in a good way.  although sometimes i can't handle all his yap, and need my space; or, i just tell him to shut it.  ha.  but, i really enjoyed the time with my bro over break.  even if all his talking does annoy me at times.  he's a super good brother.  seriously.  when chatting about mr. david, i usually say something to the effect of how different we are, which is very true.  personality wise, among many other things.  yet, we are pretty similar at the core.    

we both have a heart for cities, and seeing the old and ruined parts rebuilt (aka "community development").  neither of us want to "rock the suburbs."  we don't want to live someplace that is "comfortable," away from the "uncomfortable-ness" of the city - crime and brokenness literally at your doorstep.  while at home this christmas, we drove from the jboro to west end.  just to look at a part of town on the up-and-up (well, at least in david's opinion).  just in case you didn't believe me...

and, both of us struggle what to do with that.  where do we live?  where do we work?  what do we do in our spare time?  how do we incorporate this gospel of jesus christ into our lives - growing up in and knowing these affluent suburbs, while seeing and being exposed to the hurt and sin outside our neighborhoods.  also, we question and doubt.  a lot.  maybe he a bit more than me.  and, i don't think either of us will ever find a church that we "love," one with the music, teaching, feel, and people that we want.  anyways, i digress...

so, my break involved a lot of good chatting with the bro-sky.  with a lot of other folks too.  namely david, friends, family, and supporters (i think that covers everyone).  in fact, the highlight of my break was probably playing soccer with caa friends.  GOOOOO SOCCA!!!  during those 2 hours, i thought and talked about NOTHING.  it was refreshing to say the least.  to play a game i love (something i have been unable to do these past few months) and physically exert my body.  not thinking about anything, but enjoying the time with friends.  so, yes, i talked a lot, with a lot of different folks.  deep, joyful, uncomfortable, refreshing, difficult, thought-provoking, question-filled, and encouraging chats.  and as i think back on them, and the rest of christmas break 2012, here's what i got:

i want to be well-read.  yet, even as i type this, i wonder indeed if this is for the right reasons.  is my pride wanting me to be well-versed and educated?  so, i can have educated conversations and be thought well-of?  is reading just enough, or is thinking about and processing the reading what i need to do?  how do i be well-read and educated in this society, especially with my lack of graduate and post-graduate work.

christianity is complex.  the more i grow older, the more i realize i don't know.  and, christianity isn't easy to swallow.  it is contrary to a lot of things of my culture.  1 corinthians 1:18-31.  and, even contrary, in some respects, to the christianity in which i grew up.  that is also hard to swallow - to, in some ways, relearn much of how i view the world and what i believe as truth.

for example, my old version of christianity was a lifeboat.  or, at least my understanding of what i believed.  the ship in which we are sailing is sinking.  and, we must get into the life boat to save ourselves.  and, we have to make sure to bring others into the life boat.  but, the ship is going down, eventually.  so, we just wait until the ship sinks, and then we will be needed.  and, tell others the ship is sinking so they can jump in the life boat too.  but, i believe that jesus is about more than just saving our souls.  i do agree that is a huge portion of why he came.  don't get me wrong.  and, if by chance you disagree, i welcome any conversation from the opposing point of view.  but, then why are we still left on earth if we are believers?  what are we saved from?  why is this world so broken?  what is the church's responsibility to fix it?  is it our responsibility to fix it, or just insulate ourselves from the world?

jesus came into a broken world.  and, for that i am thankful (most of the times, at least), because he came into this world to fix it.  to make it right.  our ultimate salvation, yes.  amen.  there's more though.  to bring his kingdom to us.  and restore this broken world.  how good of news is that?  the cool thing is though god wants to use us to bring it about.  martin luther king, jr. wrote that human progress (and i also argue the kingdom of god)"...never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co-workers with God" (Letter from a Birmingham Jail).  so, how do we become co-workers with god until exhaustion to bring about this kingdom to a broken world?  how do i do this?

dr. king later wrote these words in that same letter:

"…[O]ver the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.” 

wow.  what am i NOT doing as a "white moderate"?  for example, in regards to our current struggle against modern-day slavery?  i don't want to turn a blind eye to injustices around me.  whether that be in west birmingham or across the world.  but, seriously.  27 million slaves in the world today.  what am i doing to solve this?  what am i NOT doing to let this injustice continue?  it seems the white moderate of the 1960's did nothing to solve the problem of injustice then.  and, all i can do, looking back 50 years later, is ask, "why did they not do anything to help?"  hello?  blatant injustices, civil rights violations, and breaking of the u.s. constitution.  why did they not do anything to help?  why were the black churches the only ones fighting for civil rights?  where was the white church?  my answer - they were just living their normal life in their communities.  unaffected by these injustices.  and they did nothing, because it was easier that way.  the blacks and whites had completely separate cultures, churches, lawyers, doctors, areas of town, essentially separate lives; so why do anything?  it wouldn't affect the whites.  if anything, it would make their life worse.  (for the record, visiting the birmingham civil rights museum can make you wonder things.)  so, in regards to this slavery issue of today (among so many other issues), i don't want to be a part of the white moderate.  i just struggle how NOT to be of the white moderate.  currently, as a 24 year old, and probably for the rest of my life.

so, for now, i raise my voice.  awareness really and truly is a major part of the fight.  so, be aware.  and, be encouraged of the good that the people of god are bringing.  his kingdom, if you will.  doing more than just saving souls.  what jesus also and arguably equally came to do.  check it out from passion 2013 (and see friend and studly caa counselor katie at 1:13).

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."  Luke 4:18-19.