the summer i thought i would have. around may, i started wondering if i would be okay not being back at caa this summer. i think i remember saying something to fellow caa-er macey about it. and, i also remember a conversation with carson and val about it, along the lines of i didn't know how i felt about these things. it was just going to be different and a change. and, i like change, in general. but i am learning i often slowly adapt to it or want to control it. great heart i have...a transition from a place i loved and knew oh so well, to one where i thought i would like it, but really had no idea what to expect. throw in on top of that, that my position was changed late-may. then i really had no idea what to expect.
good.
my first summer at camp northstar. god was good. a much better summer than 2012. and, i am very thankful for that. praise the lord. from whom all blessings flow. due to my "new" position of blue and green instructor, i was even more uncertain of what the summer would hold. but, i was ready for it, whatever was up ahead. even the uncertainty of how to "teach" during instructor time - do i err on the side of "fun" or "school"? how do i teach little kids? what was my curriculum? but that uncertainty and lack of expectation may have been the best thing to happen to me...
so, as i said, camp northstar 2013 was good. real good. here's why:
- the kids.
Rules the kids made themselves.
the same kids came all-day six weeks straight. so, we got to know them real well. including how hilarious they were, how some personalities just didn't mesh, some of the kids' tough or great backgrounds, and frustrations with bad attitudes that just didn't want to change. cool to build relationships with the kids and tell them about jesus through that. favorite quote, from an eight year old asking me advice on something: "i want to ask you because you have all the answers to my problems."
- the staff.
anne and brandon. rockstars.
overall, we had a fantastic staff. about 20 of us total (see pic below), from many different ages and stages, but all working together towards a common goal - serving and loving on these kids. blue and green team counselors were the best, in my personal opinion (but i am biased). i so enjoyed working with anne and brandon each day. i would have had fewer laughs and encouragement without these two. add trent and victoria into the mix and we had the dream team (sadly i don't have a pic of the blue and green counselors and junior counselors together - dog). highlight of the week with these guys was probably friday dance parties while the kids were arriving.
- having a better summer than 2012.
there was a moment week 1 of camp northstar where val and i were chatting. i remember saying something like, "i feel like myself again." a lot of that being i can run and play with the kids, and that just feels right. i still can't put into words how tough it was to not be able to play with campers last summer. playing freedom soccer on crutches just didn't do it for me. believe me, i tried. still thankful for what i learned in 2012 though. it is so freeing to be able to run and play these days. trust me. i LOVED it this summer. a lot of kickball. a little bit of soccer. fun times anyways...
Kickball on the quad!
so, what are the takeaways?
- things change and the only thing worth holding onto that doesn't change is jesus. i know that, and have known that for a while. but it is one thing to know it and actually walk in it. to believe it and not worry about things when they change or are uncertain. for example, the unexpectedness of being an instructor and not in a "leadership position" as i had expected. or just of knowing things in life change. they can sometimes throw me for a loop too, as i like to stay in control or take change when i want to take it. once again, my heart here. i don't like trusting and not knowing what's ahead. never thought i was much of a planner, and still don't think i am, but i do like to know what's ahead. i am learning that even if i do, things will change. and it does no good to stress and put my hope in things that are gonna fail me or not be what i expected. put my hope in the unchangeable god who knows the future and wants to walk with me through it and the present. "he is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the lord. his heart is steady; he will not be afraid." psalm 112:7-8. "she laughs at the time to come." proverbs 31:25.
- disciplining kids teaches you a lot about your own heart. so, in the blue and green land, i was in charge of discipline during instructor time, as we called it. so, if a kid didn't want to follow instructions, they eventually got sent out of the classroom and we had a chat. for one kid, it was the same thing over and over. he would talk and be disruptive during instructor time. we would have a chat, or i would send him to val. he would come back and be better for a bit, but eventually be back at the same thing. over and over. and, yes, it sometimes annoyed me a ton. but, oddly enough, i enjoyed it. i enjoyed getting to know him and having those conversations. but, my how it reminded me of myself. and it reminded me of how god deals with us. patiently and lovingly disciplining us, even when we do the same sin over and over.
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| camp northstar staff 2013. |
so, yep. that's a wrap.
